The First Time I Went to Church by Katie Messner (17, Ohio)

Daytime, gleaming cars
   I wear a blouse and am afraid
      Of the doors.
         Their voices rise up
             To the chapel roof
               Colliding with the tinted glass. 

---

 
I skid, scatter
   Empty pews, except for the singing
     In white robes, they wear
       Their God on their hearts
        Not mine.
        My mother: head bowed, prayer soft
         My throat: constricting
          Terror clawing upon my ribs, and I
           Unwelcome
            I do not know how to pray.

             The candles
               Some burning
                Their wax, dripping, melting
                  Closer and closer
                   Together
                    They intertwine.

                    I can see these ghosts
                     Hands clasped in the shadows
                        The swoosh of a match
                          Four candles, alit
                           Their fire, blazing
                            The never-ending
                           Golden fire
                          And my eyes
                        Water, and I cannot
                      Breathe, and I cannot
                    See except the blazing
                  Brightness
                And the song,

     Relentless.
          I am bone and skin
           And sweat and scars
           And veins and tears
           And mine and mine.
          Please, do not
         Go away forever
        And the fire
     Blazing
    And the singing
   Eternal
  And I am not
 No longer
Alone. 

Katie Messner is 17 years old and a senior at Upper Arlington High School in Ohio. She writes for her school magazine and is the winner of her school's Poetry Out Loud competition. She writes whenever she can. ​
​