Teenagers, Am I Right: A Mental Health Article by Ciara Byrne (16, Colorado)

About 75% of all mental health issues begin in the years of adolescence. It can feel like stepping on eggshells when trying to encourage anyone who may be struggling with mental health, but it is incredibly important to be there for them. Teenagers and their moods can be scary, so it’s understandable to worry you might be doing the wrong thing when trying to help someone with mental illness, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Doing research on the proper ways to provide support to those struggling with their mental health is not only exceedingly important, but also a massive display of how much you care.

---

1. Know Their Love Language
This may seem strange or irrelevant, but a person’s love language tells a lot about what types of emotional nourishment would be the most effective for that individual.

•  If their love language is physical touch, initiate skinship often, as physical touch is how they feel loved and cared for. 
• If their love language is quality time, dedicate parts of your day to being with them. This doesn’t require talking about their struggles, especially, if they do not express any desire to do so; simply spending time with them shows those whose love language is quality time that you care about them enough to sacrifice your time and dedicate it to being with them. 
• If their love language is gifts, this doesn’t mean that you have to constantly spend money on expensive material items to give to the person you want to help. The idea behind someone’s love language being gifts is not the physical object, but rather the thought that goes into what they are being given. When somebody gives you a gift, you can know that they were thinking of you, and this can feel remarkably comforting to someone who is suffering within their own mind.
• If their love language is words of affirmation, a little can go a long way. Being vocal and blunt about your support can be just what your struggling loved one needs, affirming that you are there for them without question.
• If their love language is acts of service, try helping them accomplish the small things in everyday life that may be made difficult due to their struggles with mental health. Picking up some trash, making them a meal, getting them a glass of water, or even just asking if there is anything you can do to help is incredibly effective in making them feel like they are cared for.

2. Know Their Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries, and they’re super important to respect no matter what. When trying to be an effective support system for someone you want to help, keep in mind that the topic can get uncomfortable very quickly for many people. Keep in mind that different people have different ways of coping with their stress, and if they don’t initiate conversations about it, you should try to avoid pushing the idea. In violating someone’s boundaries not only do you make them uncomfortable in the moment, but you are also worsening the chances that they will feel comfortable confiding in you in the future.
3. Know Your Boundaries
The other person’s boundaries and limits are not the only ones that are important, and you should not ignore your own boundaries in the interest of another person. It can be easy to forget that not everything is up to you to make better, and that someone else’s mental burdens are not your responsibility to fix. Of course being there for them is very helpful and necessary, but there are certain lines where you need to remember that this is not your job - sometimes, the best way to look after someone is encouraging them to get professional help, which will have resources and information neither of you could provide on your own.4. Know What Mental Illness is
Have an understanding of different metal health issues before trying to enter a situation where you will have to face the realities of mental illness. If you don’t figure out beforehand that depression is different from sadness and can result in uncleanliness or unhealthy coping mechanisms, it may come as a shock. This is only one of many examples of the major negative impacts that mental illnesses can have on individuals, and if you don’t educate yourself on these struggles before getting involved in helping someone who is struggling, your reaction to the unexpected may end up being hurtful.5. Be Flexible
When supporting someone who is not at their best, a go-with-the-flow mindset is the best tactic to make everyone feel comfortable and safe. Pushing too hard on anything can cause distress and an overall uneasiness that does nobody any good. If they don’t want to go out, don’t want to talk about something, or don’t want to talk at all, do not make the other person feel guilty for this. Mental illness often reaches a certain point where pure exhaustion is inevitable - in forcing something onto your loved one who is struggling, you are refusing to respect their boundaries and damaging their trust in you.6. Be Respectful
It’s often second nature to be judgemental or disrespectful toward things or situations that are unfamiliar to you, or that you don’t understand. When trying to be a good option for your loved ones to rely on, judging them for the things they disclose to you with hopes of being unconditionally encouraged is incredibly detrimental to their self image and comfort in expressing their struggles. If you offer help to anyone, and then proceed to chastise their experiences and struggles, you are doing the absolute opposite of helping. People struggling with mental illness struggle enough with respecting themselves and what they go through as a result of their illness, they do not need a loved one adding to that self-doubt.7. Do Not Criticize What Cannot be Helped
When it comes to mental illness infecting people who are actually a “real” part of your life, rather than what you may read about or see on TV, remember that mental illnesses are just as impairing as physical illnesses. Before offering a helping hand of your own to someone who is struggling, make sure that you are completely aware of what to expect. When you tell someone that you are there for them and they can rely on you for support, you are making this commitment to be a source of strength for them even when they display the symptoms of their mental illness. Remember that people with various mental health challenges will experience mood swings, fatigue, irritability, panic, social isolation, and so much more; these are symptoms of sickness, and cannot be helped. Do not make anyone feel ashamed or guilty for something that they have absolutely no control over, but rather make sure that they know you still cherish them and they are not being judged.8. Listen
A lot of times, it can be really helpful for someone who is in a difficult place to just be able to rant, and get all of their feelings off of their chest. They may not be looking for your advice or any further help outside of a simple listening ear to make them feel validated and heard in their struggles. Do keep in mind, though, that not everyone wants to talk about their mental health, especially not frequently. Make sure that the person who is struggling wants to talk so that you can listen, rather than forcing them to and making them feel uncomfortable.9. Be Self Aware
Triggers are a major factor to be aware of in being there for someone with a mental illness. There is no way to automatically know what triggers them and how to avoid doing so, so the easiest and most effective way of finding out what these triggers are is as simple as just asking. Not only does this show that you care enough to be thinking about how your own actions and words might negatively affect someone else, but being told directly from the person you want to help is the best way to truly avoid accidentally hurting them. If someone trusts you enough to tell you what their triggers are, make sure that you are committed to respecting them and practice mindfulness of your own words and actions - it can be easy to say or do things without thinking about how it may trigger someone else, so self-awareness needs to be strong in order to not unintentionally hurt your loved one.10. Be Able to Identify Red Flags
Although we’ve discussed making sure not to make the other person feel uncomfortable in supporting them through their struggles, it is still vital to know that sometimes uncomfortable situations are absolutely necessary for someone who is struggling with mental illness. It is a fairly well known fact that those who struggle with mental health also struggle to take care of themselves, and they often end up hurting themselves in one way or another. Whether it be not eating or drinking enough, not brushing their teeth, not showering, or other, more serious unhealthy coping mechanisms like self harming, all of these things can end up being genuinely harmful to the individual. It is very unlikely that someone will want to talk about these things, especially in detail, as it is exceedingly uncomfortable to do so, but there may be a point where it is necessary to have these uncomfortable conversations, in the event that your loved one may be in actual danger. Because of this, it’s essential to know the red flags that could signal that the person you deeply care for is at a real risk of harming themselves or others, which will also indicate that you need to seek further help and treatment for this person. Red flags can be both verbal or non-verbal:
    Verbal Red Flags:

• “It doesn’t matter”
• “You’d be better off without me”
• “I am going to die”
• “I wish I were dead”
• “I just want it to be over”
• “I am going to kill myself”

Non-Verbal Red Flags:

• Isolation
• Giving away possessions
• Getting a gun
• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Loss of interest in anything

These are certainly not all of the possible indicators that someone may be in serious trouble, but if a loved one expresses anything along these lines, it is reason for concern and has reached a point where further action and help needs to be involved - encouraging someone who is struggling with their mental health to see a doctor or a therapist could be one of the single most helpful things you could ever do to support them.

​