sunsets by Yun-Fei Wang (15, Taiwan)

[Content warning: hints at self-harm, abuse, suicide ideation]

Take down sunsets one layer after another, 
until you reach a plain white sky. I’ll tell you 
my last secret before I disappear, in midst
of rainstorms on asphalt roads, hoping that 
the next car won’t brake in time; wishing that 
someday I’ll see her in heaven and be able
to dream without hurting myself. I’ll tell you 
why this world was never meant for me.

---

​Take down the orange melting over the horizon,
like warm honey spilled from a glass pitcher
and crisp autumn leaves falling down. Gold like
the way sunlight drips down her cheekbones.
Orange was the color of her nail polish when
she ripped my throat and I wanted to breathe,
only to feel the bronze-colored fireplace warmth
of her name dissolving my tongue once more.

Take down the red that burned the sky to dust.
Sparks of merlot fireworks flaming up the ethers,
rose petals soft like velvet and bottles of wine,
never got me drunker than looking into her eyes.
Red were the scratches under my skirt, fractured
tips of her sharp nails hungry for sticky crimson;
maroon fingerprints across pale skin, the color
of sharp, blood-stained blades I only see at night.

Take down the pink fading to a blurry memory.
Swirls of cotton candy made of air, like cherry
blossoms covered in dew pressed into fossils
on stone pavements. The sultry lipstick stains
on my neck tasted like copper and bubblegum;
flavors she has ruined sat on my tongue, while
 tried to erase memories of her venom teeth on
paper skin until my body wasn’t mine anymore.

Take down the blazing purple in the barren sky;
neon lights igniting a river of lavender waves
and pastel constellations with shattered dreams.
I think purple was her favorite color, and so
countless nights I’d wake up to lilac bruises
painted across my ribcage. Come find me, lips in
a ghastly violet, when I break in a bathtub
and my wrists stain blue waters a dark purple.

Take down sunsets one layer after another
until you reach a pitch black sky.
She gave me a thousand reasons to leave,
when she was the one that made me stay.
And now I think you know why, in a world
of sunsets and colors–I live in lawless fear.
In the distance the low rumble of engines,
as I close my eyes and wish for heaven.