summer wishlist by Anna Feng (California)*

[Content warning: allusions to sexual assault]

​and by july, i grew tired of 
              beautiful boys. hearing 
              their delicate sonnets and 
                            toying with their maple hair. 
                                          so it was no surprise 
                                          when i caught myself 
                            grinning at the girl who 
                            dove into lake erie, 
              beaming as i pulled the 
soaked sweater 
              over the top of her head, and laughing 
              when i cut my finger wringing it. 

---

and her frigid hands crept over my own, our eyes 
                            meeting for that burning second, 
                                          twin pyres and wildfires 
              put out when the space slipped 
and i shoved her into the water. 
              how swimming flushed her eyes red 
                            like she had been weeping, 
                                          so i told her something 
              too honest about myself, 
and she told me about a boy who haunted her. 
              oh, i said (i’m so sorry) 
                            and reached out to her. 
              but she hid under her skin, under the weight 
                            of the night, trembling like a wet dog. 
​
and we left the summer like a thick heat, 
              hands brushing against each other 
              but never holding. 
and by august, her sweater dried and 
              i took it off the dock and slipped 
                            it over my skin. i cradled me 
                                          in her arms, 
              trying to piece together how 
                            she could pierce through 
              the water in the arms of a boy.
                            screaming his name like it hadn't sunk in. 
and i never understood how 
              her penchant for agony drew 
                            her away from the lakes and glass. 
                            how water eased his lawlessness, 
              ​yet knew to erase me.

​