seven letters by Czarina Datiles (18, California)

{TW: suicide]

every s that spills from your tongue
reminds me of every moment that slipped from our grasp
​those dwindling days under endless stars,
not as bright as the void in ours
Stop
​           Stop
                       Stop 
​it echoes in my eyes,
on trembling lips,

---

through the lisp that forms from
pearly smiles locked against retainer bars,
staring at the same words
           Stop
                           Stop
                                            stop
                                                           Somewhere someone loves you 

They tell me,
“it was s–”

every u and i in the words that define us,
the universe and her soulmate,
the entropy we ensue,
the heat long overdue
You
             You
​                             You
love when you can,
melt when you can’t
it’s irrevocable– your indenture–
yet my pathetic imagination
illudes me into believing I whispered,
             It’s okay
                           It’s okay
                                          it’s okay
                                                         Somewhere someone loves you
 
They tell me,
“It was sui–”
 
every c in the words i speak
are calculated and candid now
connotations lingering like stratus clouds
or the disconcerted murmurs of impatient crowds
Calling 
            Calling
                          Calling
out your name like an imaginary god
inquiring why heaven above
has yet to bring my illusion to life
but memories collide with my mind and its fears,
and maybe I did 
      Imagine it
                           Imagine it
                                                 imagine it
                                                                     Somewhere someone loves you
 
They tell me,
“It was suici–”’
 
dyeing the beaker in royal blue,
scraping our skin till it breaks in two
Somewhere someone out there loves you,
you knew she was standing in front of you
eyes reflecting against your name engraved
that someone somewhere you tried to save
cursing why she couldn’t stay
 
They tell me,
“It was–”
 
Somewhere someone out there loves you
when they ask, that’s what you say.
 
Czarina Datiles is an eighteen-year-old Filipino writer and poet from San Diego, California. A national medalist in the 2023 Scholastic Art and Writing Awards, her work has also been recognized by The New York Times. Authenticity, courage, and vulnerability are the driving forces of her writing, and her pieces confront the most frightening aspects of herself and society. She loves rainy days, fantasy novels, and boba drinks.