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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() [Content warning: self-harm and suicidal ideation] There was nothing to look forward to Tomorrow looked like Today looked like Yesterday The entire world was grayscale except for In bright flashes of aching sepia and Bursts of unbearable Blurred saturation And the weight of every single thing rested comfortably Behind my eyelids Breaking my spine There was no memory
I couldn’t mimic that smile anymore The one I had in that picture of me From when I was a little girl That little girl never existed At least I didn’t think she had There was no respect My mind had no censor My body was a tool, a shell For me to twist and mutilate A filter that once told me Don’t think of those things Was burnt to ashes on the ground There was no compassion I hated everything about myself Every Fucking Thing And there was no room for exception It seemed impossible to care enough About anything or anyone And yet I cared so much it drove me mad All those times I told myself I could be a martyr Were really death wishes in disguise There was no rationality My head turned everything into A catastrophe My own screams deafened me To what I knew made sense To what I knew might save me Like a blind girl solving a puzzle Fitting the pieces together But never seeing the picture There was no hope I was in a tunnel, telling myself The light at the end was an illusion And so I refused to leave There was no when I grow up Only before I die Enough was a useless word I could never catch up to There was No Way Out As I waited patiently for someone to Fucking save me Until I realized Only I Could save myself Comments are closed.
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* = Editors' Choice work
Unless otherwise noted, all pictures used are open-source images in the public domain. Archives
June 2022
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