pseudo-dreams by Zo Estacio (17, Philippines)*

some days, your name 
is the most terrifying thing i know. 
i don't dare write it, i don't dare
utter a stronger, deadlier word. 

i have plucked my heart's contents like 
flower petals, gave i love you's away like 
flyers — i did not know the difference between
reckless and careless 

---

today's song was an anatomy of all the 
tenderness i failed to give her, and i have slaughtered
my hands trying to find someone else's.
i have held her and handed her peace and i know her
the way icarus knew of sweet falling.

but you, i have loved you in languages i am still learning,
turning blind to those who were loving me in 
my native tongue and so 
when the asphalt ocean meets me, i will still think of you
and i won't know what to do with that part
of myself.