please wake up, world by Brynn Carnesecca (18, Utah)

oh world why won’t you wake up
why are the only open eyes mine
the whole world is asleep but i am awake
is something wrong with the world or is something wrong with me 

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lately i don’t sleep and i am more invested in where the big dipper is than if i ate breakfast
i can’t imagine myself old and i have an odd belief that i will die at a young age
my imagination is fading but thank goodness i had it in the first place
i have spent so many hours staring at people my age who don’t seem to like living as much as i do 

maybe you have to wish for your life to end to see how beautiful it is that it ever began
now i can see the beauty of lemon trees outside my window and sundrenched linens chasing orange moonbeams and choking on a sea of colors
everyone just listen
take out your music
i’m shouting and shouting so just look up for five minutes, that’s all i need
you never put your phone down and i wonder if you know that life happens when you look around and listen to the waves
signal mirror over the shoulder go signal mirror over the shoulder go signal mirror over the shoulder go things are better in threes 

did you ever stop and think about how incredible it is that you can
drive and see and touch and taste
you can fall in love if you wish
you can meet someone new and learn to love their playlists
you can wash your hair in a waterfall
be rocked to sleep by the sea
learn the songs the birds sing when the dawn breaks
paint your nails the brightest shade of hot pink because it is summer and you are melancholy 

does romance even exist anymore i’d like to think so
i hope so
doesn’t change the fact that every couple i see who is above the age of thirty doesn’t smile at each other anymore
i have to ask myself if they even see each other anymore
their butterflies have forgotten how to fly and they don’t want to hold hands on lengthy walks
you can’t find mr right if you keep swiping left for hours on end
it’s quite gloomy to believe romance doesn’t exist
but on that long car drive when my mom was curled up asleep my dad avoided every single pothole on that ancient road so maybe love is something i just don’t comprehend fully yet
i don’t want to end up like those couples who fight at the grocery store and don’t like to spend more than an hour together 

world why don’t you believe in love
you try and teach us that soulmates aren’t real and you are just feeling lust world do you ever wonder if you will reach maximum capacity
too many humans on earth and california is sinking get on a lifeboat
canon in d major ought to cheer you up looking in the mirror is getting awfully disappointing
look at these gorgeous girls all around
you cannot escape their naturally curly hair and sunkissed skin
they look so enchanting when they laugh and i guarantee that they never dissect their every word at the last social event that they went to 

now i am learning to love myself and it hurts
that list in my notes app is burning a hole in my pocket but i don’t dare delete it because it serves as a reminder that i’m not so broken anymore and one day i will stop feeling guilty for taking up too much space in the world 

world
why do no people on your surface talk about this
it is awfully isolating but everyone is asleep and can’t bother to talk about their bodies when they all seem right at home and they like to post all those photos
those sparkling photos
i can’t go to one more presentation about how no one’s life is real on the glowing box because it is real to all of us
we stare at it every day for hours and it becomes oh-so-real when those flawless people seem to be doing everything i’ve always dreamed about
how do any of you continue to go to your day jobs money is necessary to survive in this world, but wake up please wake up
this isn’t the path for everyone but it’s a slippery slope and once you enter kindergarten you might as well decide what you want because no one is going to stop asking you until you put on that cap and gown and write it on your graduation invites
i’m afraid of having a day job sucked into the corporate vortex that only ends on your allotted fifteen days of vacation
and no you don’t get to enjoy summer because this is the real world and this is how it works
what if i choose wrong
i’ll never admit it but i cannot be wrong about the future because at this point it is far too late to pivot or take a gap year or think about doing something else
oh world
please wake everyone up
my thoughts are swirling and threatening to eat me alive
everyone is sleeping
no dreams and no thoughts just sleeping
i wish i could go back to sleep i really do
but i will not and i cannot
i know what this life is worth and i know more than anything that this is my one chance you are all missing this
i am tired of being the only girl awake on this whole planet
please world, wake up please wake up, world 

Brynn Carnesecca is an 18-year-old currently finishing up her senior year of high school in Utah. She has been published over a dozen times in "Utah Valley Magazine," "Lehi Free Press" and "The American." When she's not obsessing over 26 letters, she loves sewing, cooking, karaoke, guitar and watching sunsets.