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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() Lee A cemetery. There are three rows of tombstones. Bouquets of flowers are sparsely seated by a tombstone or two. At the largest tombstone, three siblings, Margot, Chase, and Addie stand in front of it; Margot places flowers on the grave while Chase is holding a picnic basket. Addie opens the lid and takes out a banana. MARGOT Let’s greet them properly, shall we? (Altogether they bow. Margot and Chase go for a second one, and Addie follows a bit slower.) MARGOT Hey Mom. Hey Dad. It’s us again. Last time we were here…was what? Must’ve been the same day last year. Time really flies, doesn't it? (Chase scoffs, swinging the picnic basket.) What Chase, did you have anything to add? CHASE
(He keeps swinging the basket.) I guess yeah, hi Mom. And Dad. Long time no see. (Pause) ADDIE (Starts peeling the banana) How riveting, Chase. MARGOT (Fussing with the arrangement of flowers) Addie, did you want to mention anything new? Any updates since last year? ADDIE Well…I got into college. MARGOT Majoring in musi— ADDIE And Chase’s girlfriend dumped him. CHASE (Turns swiftly) Addie! ADDIE (Waves the banana) What? You weren’t gonna say it, so I did you a favor. You haven’t told us why you broke up. And stop swinging our lunch. (Takes a bite of banana) MARGOT Okay guys that’s enough. Chase, why don’t you set up the picnic. You don’t have to share anything if you don’t want to, okay, but let’s just get through this? CHASE Yeah. All right. (He puts the basket down and takes out a blanket, spreading it out to the left of the tombstone. He doesn’t look at his sisters as he unpacks the basket.) MARGOT (Speaking down at the grave) As I was saying, Addie is majoring in music and composition in college. ADDIE You’re doing the same thing. MARGOT What do you mean? I studied finance not musi— ADDIE You said Chase didn’t have to share anything if he didn’t want to, but you’re talking about me. MARGOT Oh, I didn’t see what the big deal was. It’s good news to share. (Pause) I’m sorry. Did you want to say it yourself? ADDIE That’s not the point. Look, just never mind. Can we just stick to talking only about ourselves and not each other? (Long pause. Margot thinks deeply and finally…) MARGOT Ugh. I left the tripod in the car. Grandma Deb asked me to take a picture of us here. ADDIE Oh, again? She does this every year. Why can’t you just use your phone? Why do you still keep humoring that lady? MARGOT Addie, she’s our grandmother and deserves our respect. You know she can’t visit here by herself anymore. She’s stuck at the nursing facility. CHASE (Saunters back from the blanket to the tomb) Thank God. Do you remember when she started making us do this? She said that every year we would have to bring them flowers and food, bow to them and make sure the tomb is clean. Remember three years ago when she brought a cleaning man to wash the tomb down? He brought this huge hose. You’d think there was a fire on our parents’ grave that he needed to hose down. And remember she brought like ten different dishes of Korean food, and she set it up right in front? ADDIE And then she made each of us say our favorite memories with Mom and Dad. MARGOT You even remember that? ADDIE Yeah. Margot, you said it was when they drove you to college. And you, Chase, you said it was the trip to Disney. And I…huh, I don’t remember what I said actually. Ha, it was probably stupid, any— CHASE You ran off because there was a bee in your ear. ADDIE (Quietly) Oh. Right. (Addie fists the banana in her hand and adds louder.) Well, it’s no wonder Grandma Deb doesn’t like me. (Crosses arms) I’m hungry. Can we get the picture over with first? MARGOT I’ll go get the tripod. ADDIE I’m coming with you. Chase is bugging me. (Both Margot and Addie walk offstage together. Chase stands in front of the tombstone, shuffling his feet.) CHASE Kind of messed up, isn’t it? That there are two of you down there. That you share your names on one tombstone. (Looks up to read the tombstone) Devoted and loving parents. I wanted it to be separate, Mom. I mean this is how you’ll be forever. But it was already written in the will. Of course he has everything under his control even when he’s dead. I hate it, Mom, I really do. (Tears up) That he took this one thing away from us that we wanted to give to you. I hate it. And I think I hate him. No, actually I think I hate both of you. Just a little. For everything. Can’t I at least have that not taken away from me? (Margot and Addie enter the stage, approaching.) Because no matter what I try, I can’t run from it. I remember too much, every incident and reason. Every time he did it and every time you let him. It haunts me even after three years. Three years of being dead, gone, and it still dictates me, my life…my relationships. (Margot and Addie exchange a look, close enough to eavesdrop, but far enough to be unnoticed.) So, yeah, I’m bitter, and I hate having to remember. Did you hear that, Dad? I hate you. Just a little. (Margot coughs and Chase turns, caught off guard. Margot is holding a tripod, and a camera is around her neck, and Addie is behind her, eyes averted.) CHASE (Sighs) You guys heard me, didn’t you? (Margot links an arm with his, bringing him over to the blanket and they all sit down.) MARGOT So much for pretending to be normal about today. (Pauses and sighs) You know my favorite memory, driving to college? It was actually quite a painful ride. I sat in the back with Mom while Dad drove. For two hours. And for those two hours, they just yelled at each other. Dad in one ear, Mom in the other. Anyway, two hours felt like two years. I don’t even remember what they were yelling about, and I doubt they would either. But I do remember that I didn’t say a word the whole time. I mean you know how he was when we got involved in any way. So I sat there silent for two hours, wishing they would stop, wishing I was someplace else, that I could throw myself out of the car, that I should’ve forced him to let me drive by myself, alone. And I really had to pee. Like really bad. So when we got to campus, I spoke for the first time in two hours asking him to stop at the nearest building, and I ran away from them. And when I walked out of the bathroom, I felt a sense of relief. (Laughs) Eww, that’s a bad way of putting it, not what I meant. I mean I made it to the place where I’d be living for the next four years of my life, and then I’d get a job, and I would never ever have to sit in a two-hour car ride with them screaming. I would never let it happen. That’s why it was my favorite memory of us. I was finally free, and I promised I would never put myself through something like what they did to each other. (Long pause) CHASE You never told us that before. MARGOT I know, it somehow didn’t seem right. I was leaving you two also, not just them. CHASE Well in my “supposed” favorite memory, Dad had to go on a business meeting, and Mom and I went to Disney, just us. I must’ve been what 10? You and Addie were at home sick with Grandma. We spent the whole day together, going on rides, eating ice cream. I’m pretty sure we were even skipping down the yellow brick road in Walt Disney. We were that happy. It was the happiest I’d ever seen her. For real. But then she got a call from Dad saying his meeting was over, and she’d better be home in time for dinner with his colleagues. And her face just collapsed. MARGOT Of course. But yeah I miss when it was just us and her. I could pretend to just forget for a little while. (Pause) MARGOT Addie? Are you crying? (Addie sniffs and wipes her nose with her sleeve.) ADDIE Yes, I’m crying! I don't have a favorite memory. There was no bee, okay? It was freezing that day, so I don’t know why you guys believed that, ugh. (Swipes tears roughly) MARGOT Oh, Addie, it’s okay; you were being more truthful than we were. (Reaches into her pocket and hands Addie a tissue) When Grandma Deb demanded that we share a memory, I just said the first thing that came to mind. ADDIE (Blows nose loudly) Yeah but I just feel like all my memories are tainted. Like none of them are good. They’re just one big mess… (Clapping hands together) I can’t find the good ones. They’re all just tainted by sadness. Like my soul is black. (Cries into hands) CHASE (Shakes head) You’re such a teen, Addie. ADDIE Chase, stop, it’s not funny. MARGOT Yeah, Chase, we listened to your sad story. I get it, Addie. It all feels surreal when you look back on things. Not that you would understand, Chase. You’re a boy. (Chase opens his mouth to speak.) No, no, you don’t get to speak on this one. (Turns to the headstone) Right, Mom? (Silence, the wind doesn’t even blow.) ADDIE Sometimes, Margot, I think you’re a bigger dork than Chase. MARGOT (Interrupting) Hey! Look who stopped crying. ADDIE I need another tissue though. (She picks up a container and looks at Chase a couple of times.) CHASE What? Why are you looking at me like that? ADDIE Only Marissa can make fruit salad like this. (She opens the container.) See, she always puts them in a circle. I can see honey drizzled on top. (Sets it on the ground with a thud) How long ago was this breakup? CHASE You’re just never gonna let it go, are you? (Addie looks at him waiting and Chase sighs.) It was Friday. ADDIE What?! MARGOT So, two days ago. ADDIE I’m the dramatic one, but you told us you broke up when it’s only been two days? I need to process this. (Pauses only for a moment) So you’re telling me she broke your heart two days ago, and you’re not in bed crying right now? CHASE I… (Pauses with a sigh) I lied, all right? I was the one who broke it off. ADDIE What?! But we loved Marissa! CHASE Yeah…so did I. ADDIE So then why did you break up with her? (Chase shrugs and starts picking at the grass again.) I can’t believe this. She was so pretty and nice and she made us food. You’re not my brother. MARGOT I think what Addie means to say is that you guys were madly in love. And you seemed happy. It just seems sudden, Chase. You seemed all right last time we talked. (Pause) You don’t have to tell us, Chase. Just wait a little and if you don’t regret what you did, then you made the right choice for yourself. CHASE (Mumbles still picking at the ground) More like the right choice for her. (Louder) And even if I wanted to explain, I can’t. I don’t know what happened, really. I just, I did something bad, okay? ADDIE Did you cheat on her? MARGOT Addie! CHASE No, no, I didn’t, no. MARGOT Did you say something to her to get her upset? CHASE No. (Pause, contemplating) It was more what I didn’t say. MARGOT Then maybe try to tell us what happened that day. CHASE (Sighs) I don’t want to though, not in front of them. (Motions to the tombstone) Especially not him. Or either of them. ADDIE They can’t hear us. They’re dead. MARGOT Addie! That’s a little too harsh, don’t you think? You shouldn’t be saying something like that. ADDIE I mean it’s true though. Didn’t you say you were sick of him dictating your life? Well, don’t let him. CHASE (After a pause) Okay then I’ll explain. I’m just gonna. (turns facing his siblings fully) Where do I start? Well, it was all really sudden. I guess I woke up around nine-ish. And I went into the bathroom, and she was using my toothbrush. ADDIE (Points) Over a toothbrush? MARGOT (Whispers) Not now Addie. CHASE No, Addie, I didn’t break up with her over a toothbrush, okay? Yes, I’m a control freak, but I’m not that crazy. At least I don’t think I am. Anyway, she said something along the lines of, “I didn’t realize.” Like she actually felt guilty and usually she’s really you know… ADDIE Empowered? CHASE Yeah. But, suddenly…she told me the day before that she loved me, and I, I had a thought that…that I could hit her and she would just stand there and let me. Because that’s how much she loved me. (Chase stumbles on his words and takes in a shaky breath, letting a tear fall.) I don’t know where it came from. I never had a thought like that before. And I would never ever do that to anybody ever not after what he did. And especially not to her. (Chase buries his head in his hands.) MARGOT Oh, Chase. We know…we know. Here. (Nudges him, handing over a tissue) CHASE (Lifts his head) But how do you know? I don’t even know. I don’t know what I am capable of. What if it’s just in my blood you know? Because of him. MARGOT That’s not true, Chase. We create our own destiny. We make decisions for ourselves. I can’t tell you why you thought that, but I can tell you this. You are not like him in any way whatsoever. I promise. Sometimes I have thoughts that surprise me too. Like that I will die alone, and it wouldn’t matter if it was today or in a decade. When you looked at her, Chase, did you want to hit her? CHASE Well, I didn’t really look at her. I just threw up in the toilet and ran. And when I came back, I said we were done. MARGOT Okay, okay, see? You’re not like him. It’s a scary thing. Love. Especially for people like us. You wouldn’t do something like that to her. You even got sick thinking about it. And I tell you for a fact that she wouldn’t let something like that happen either. (Addie hiccups.) Addie? Are you crying again? ADDIE Chase, you idiot! You should’ve told us sooner! (Addie sobs and pulls at his arm over Margot’s lap as Chase wipes his eyes. They are all silent for a while until Addie calms down. Margot puts her hand on theirs.) MARGOT Come on, let’s get out of here. It’s been quite a day. (As they go to stand up, they turn around, hearing footsteps approaching. As a figure comes from stage left...) ADDIE Oh gosh. CHASE Oh no. MARGOT Is that…Grandma Deb? Comments are closed.
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