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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() [content warning: miscarriage, graphic descriptions of blood] i. mama i love you, you know? i love you even more than i ever did him, saw the first blood forming in my eyes as the tongs came out from my legs, our juice spilt all over the folds of my bed. it’s better this way, they said, licking the blood off my tired, glassy cheeks. i love you, you know?
as the doctors had finished their feast but your blood would never stop falling, endless pools of red pouring from my insides. it doesn’t hurt, i said, when my mother-in-law prodded me around with that cane of hers, asking where and when she was to expect that grandson of hers. it will hurt, she said, when i tire of your bloody antics. it was your blood that fell out my eyes as zhangfu came into me, staining my pillow red for i knew your brother was made and done and so i cried big red tears, trembling hands in my legs trying to pull it out, red red red gushing onto the tiles of your old bathroom floor as i drowned in the clasps of my sticky, sticky blood. i love you, you know? when red was the color i wore when i lay, writhing in my bed it’ll make him lucky, mother-in-law says, lucky, not like the first one. i love you, you know? as i watch white sheets turn red, stained and tainted by the daughter i never got to meet. ii. meimei you love me, i know, as i watch your face scrunch, fingers shake as you feel his head, forcing his way out of your body, hear your curdling screams as you choke, blood, bile and brine bubbling in your bosom, watch him latch onto your old and tired breast. mother-in-law grins an ugly grin, i think she’s missing four teeth, patting your head lest she learns it is my blood that she drinks, late at night as her grandson’s face comes out, splattered in my name. you love me, i know, as they taste your juice again, sucking the crimson goop off of their sticky latex gloves, hooked onto the saccharine sugar of my taste. you love me, i know, as a smile fills my face as didi vomits bright, shocking red into our ah ma’s waiting arms. zhangfu: husband meimei: little sister didi: little brother Comments are closed.
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May 2023
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