like mother like daughter by Julia Ongking (Philippines)

​[content warning: miscarriage, graphic descriptions of blood]

i. mama

i love you, you know?
i love you even more 
than i ever did him, saw the
first blood forming in my eyes 
as the tongs came out from 
my legs, our juice spilt all over 
the folds of my bed. it’s better this
way, they said, licking the blood 
off my tired, glassy cheeks.

---

i love you, you know? 
as the doctors had 
finished their feast but your 
blood would never stop falling, 
endless pools of red pouring 
from my insides. it doesn’t 
hurt, i said, when my mother-in-law
prodded me around with that 
cane of hers, asking where and when
she was to expect that grandson of hers.
it will hurt, she said, when i tire 
of your bloody antics. 

it was your blood that fell 
out my eyes as zhangfu came 
into me, staining my pillow
red for i knew your brother 
was made and done and so i 
cried big red tears, trembling
hands in my legs trying to pull it
out, red red red gushing onto the 
tiles of your old bathroom floor
as i drowned in the clasps of my
sticky, sticky blood.

i love you, you know? 
when red was the color i wore 
when i lay, writhing in my bed 
it’ll make him lucky, mother-in-law 
says, lucky, not like the first one.
i love you, you know?
as i watch white sheets turn red, 
stained and tainted by the 
daughter i never got to meet.

ii. meimei

you love me, i know,
as i watch your face scrunch, fingers 
shake as you feel his head, forcing his
way out of your body, hear your
curdling screams as you choke,
blood, bile and brine bubbling in
your bosom, watch him latch
onto your old and tired breast. 
mother-in-law grins an ugly grin,
i think she’s missing four teeth,
patting your head lest she learns 
it is my blood that she drinks, 
late at night as her grandson’s face 
comes out, splattered in my name. 

you love me, i know,
as they taste your juice again,
sucking the crimson goop
off of their sticky latex gloves, hooked
onto the saccharine sugar of my 
taste. 

you love me, i know,
as a smile fills my face as 
didi vomits bright, shocking red
into our ah ma’s waiting arms. 


zhangfu: husband
meimei: little sister
didi: little brother