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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() It’s all a game now. If you wake early in the morning, shut the door & measure the minutes before the coffee maker beeps. Count the beats between crashes, record the decibels of each crack. Divide by five & forget about miles; the eye is just inches away. 1. When you are ready, emerge quietly,
tread lightly walk soft but cheerful. Smile. 2. SMILE. say hello daddy & good morning daddy. Never act the part you are meant to play, the sleep-deprived teenager (groan “coffee,” shield your eyes against the light). No, count the crashes. Stay alert; hold your fingers to the wind. 3. SMILE. Tread lightly. Be soundless. Be scrupulous. Be perfect so perfect you are not criticizable. Be careful when you set the cups on the table not to make a sound. Wait to see… When the next thing comes crashing down & what it will be—a ficus a dollhouse thousands of tiny mini mes, they all came tumbling down. & all for the want of a horseshoe nail (read: a wave, a chore, a smile, a memory). You’re a kingdom, and when the lightning starts flying the kingdom falls too. You hate that you’re so “fragile so weak,” but don’t they tell you that’s how daughters are supposed to be? Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, & they all say it was his own great fall… but maybe, you wonder, there was someone beside him who pushed him to pieces-- A gust, an angry breeze. 4. Make up the king’s men, make up some more, because you have to put the pieces back together again. Put them back together again & smile. SMILE. If that doesn’t work, laugh—laugh until your eyes brim & your heart fractures & your skin cracks, Make yourself laugh at the unfunny things until your cheeks hurt & your chest aches & you feel your face collapse. Because then at least it’s you—not a storm not a blast not a rain of fire & hailstones & houseplants, but you, only you-- only ever you you you you you who makes this kingdom crash. Comments are closed.
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May 2023
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