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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() I wasn’t always this way I don’t know when things changed, but I know in elementary school I didn’t throw up because someone dragged me to a party I didn’t stay in bed because the thought of talking to people drove me to tears I didn’t hide in the bathroom at lunch
because I knew nobody and nobody knew me, because I’d rather eat a sandwich on the toilet than look people in the eye I wanted to become a speck of dust when someone banged on the stall door and told me to hurry up I know in middle school I didn’t have a problem standing up and introducing myself to the class My knees didn’t knock and my mind didn’t short-circuit when I shared three interesting things I did that summer Is there anything interesting about sitting back down and biting your tongue so hard you taste blood because you stuttered over your words? I know in middle school I wouldn’t have automatically assumed those girls in the back row were laughing at me I don’t know the day or even the month when things changed, but now I’m in high school and I know things are different On Friday night I check the group chat, the one I haven’t texted in months For a moment, I consider buying a ticket to the dance they’re going to I imagine the strobe lights, the screaming crowd, the sweaty bodies crushed together, and my heart pounds faster than someone having their first kiss—not that I know what it’s like But I do know I will never be the girl who can meet new boys without crying when she looks in the mirror because there was food stuck in her teeth all night I will never be the girl who can drive to a friend’s house without her hands slipping off the wheel because her palms are slick with sweat I will never be the girl who can make conversation without TV static roaring in her ears because her brain tuned in to a dead channel But I do know things will get better, because that’s what every motivational poster says So I’m waiting for things to get better I’ll let you know if they do Comments are closed.
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Unless otherwise noted, all pictures used are open-source images in the public domain. Archives
October 2023
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