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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() The saltwater invades my nose and assaults my eyes. I let out a deep breath to blow the water out. I speed up my strokes, kicking and clawing desperately, wishing to approach the coastline. But I can’t see. I can’t breathe. A furious wave barrels towards me, crashes into me and throws my body underneath the waters again. My heart races and my chest tighten as the coldness from the water squeezes the breath out of me. I kick my legs again, trying to fight for another faint of hope. But my limbs are heavy and numb. I see the surface above me, so close, yet so far away. I try to open my mouth and ask for help, shouting for the people far away from me at the beach. But the icy water whips on my face. It creeps through the gaps between my teeth, trickles fast down my throat, into my stomach. I can’t see. I can’t breathe. A chill seeps into my bones and hardens my body. Water inundates my eyes, nose, and mouth, and pushes me further away from life. I explode from the water, spraying droplets everywhere. Hot tears speeding down my cheek, mixing with the seawater. I hear waves pounding. I hear birds yelling. I hear kids laughing at the other end. My eyes search frantically for someone to rescue me.
Where is he? Didn’t he promise me that he’s going to be with me forever? Is that a lie? The moment when he put the ring on my finger. The moment when he said we’ll accompany each other through our whole life. And now he can’t save me. And now we’re going to be separated right after we got together. He probably doesn’t even notice that I disappeared. Just like how he wouldn’t notice when I was mad, when I was sad, and when I was insecure. I try to cry out his name, but a vicious wave hits me, knocking me down, dragging me down. I struggle to keep my head above the water that has waited to swallow me whole. He probably doesn’t hear me. He probably doesn’t even care. Is his mind on his next million? Nobody cares about one lonely woman fading away. The frosty finger of realization pokes my conscience and makes me realize that there is no point in fighting it. How delicate I am standing opposed from nature. How impotent and tiny I am existing in this world. The futility of struggling. If it is all destined, no efforts are worthy. Right? No one can save me. He can’t. I cannot even save myself. My whole body aches. I guess my legs are still moving feebly. I can’t feel my toes. The last amount of air escapes my lip and is replaced with the icy water. My eyes blur. Will this be his wake-up call? Comments are closed.
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Unless otherwise noted, all pictures used are open-source images in the public domain. Archives
September 2023
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