burning red by Myesha Phukan (14, California)

[content warning: self-harm, suicide]

for years i felt it lurking, 
the constant pressure. 

​whenever the demons came out to play, 
i coaxed them back, 
back into the abyss. 

---

when the dragons tried to breathe their fire, 
it was quickly doused, 
nothing left of the fire that almost consumed me, 
but smoke and ash. 
it left my eyes stinging, 
and my lungs cloudy. 
yet 
i was not burned. 

but as the years went on 
i welcomed it, 
slowly pushing them forwards. 
tempt. 
entice. 
lure. 
my daily mantra. 

and when it finally came, 
knocking on the bedroom door 
i was grateful. 
no longer scared and defensive. 

i welcomed the demons. 
i let them play with my wrists 
their favorite color was red. 

i greeted the dragons. 
no longer did i quell the fire, 
but let it consume me. 

and when darkness finally came to wrap its arms around me,
i did not shy away.
instead, i received it with open arms.
and when it enveloped me, 
​i finally felt at home.