Blue Leather Notebook by Felicity Wang (12, Washington)

Soft yet sturdy
Smooth to the touch
A blue leather notebook
My confidant
Listener
Companion

My grandfather gifted it to me
Right before he left for home
He held me in his arms
Gently and warmly as usual
He said that this journal would soon become
My pal

---

I wondered then
How can a simple
blue leather notebook
become a girl’s best friend
But I suppose he’s right
The pages have, my words, my art, my memories
They make up the stories
Of my life
 
I write through depressing sadness
When my best friend moved away
I was all alone
Loneliness consumed 
Ate me away
Outside
I wore a mask
To hide the hurt
To hide the ache
With my blue leather notebook
I let the guard down
I let the sorrow drip
Tears of pain
Tears of anguish
Soak the pages
Like a torrent of rain
The pages consoled me
Lifted me up
Out of that pool
Of misery

I write through raging anger
When all I want is to 
Rip the whole world apart
I crumple the pages
Tear them into shreds
Then glue them back
As if I’m piecing myself together
And climbing out of the abyss
Of fury

I write through fleeting joy 
Moments I hope would last for an eternity
The very first snowfall
Having snowflakes dancing on my nose
Jingling sound of Christmas bells
And the rush to open presents
A magnificent arch of color showing up
After falling rains
Strolling along the sandy beach
Watching waves rolling in
The sweet sensation
Of strawberry ice cream melting on the tongue
Blowing bright candles and making a wish
Surrounded by my dearest ones

I write about fear
Trepidation of losing 
Terror of falling behind
Panic of imperfection
Dread of unknown 
It reminds me
Courage isn’t the absence of fear
It’s pressing ahead despite the fear
As I write,
As I draw,
I am stronger
As I’ve reflected and grown

I write about hope
At times of darkness
isolation
and desperation
Blue leather notebook
Is my torch
spark
and inspiration
Prompts me forward and forward

Blue leather notebook
Confidant, forever
Listener, always
Companion, constantly
Keeping my words safe
My art shielded
My memory whole
My story protected
It seems plain
Perhaps to you 
But what’s inside
Might intrigue you
After all
Never judge a book by its cover