Beginning After the End by Sarah Wang (17, Canada)

Things went downhill
so, I'm back 
here, enclosed 
in this white 
room 
Again.

---

An empty
space of white 
locked inside myself
with a black
door ahead of me
I’m drawn to that door,
though I know I can't be lured
because it’s despair
that lies behind the exit
I know.


I’ve tried to run and escape,
from this prison
in myself,
But each time new terrors
await me, outside
that door.

This is not heaven, not hell
This is the place I run back 
to like a coward, to hide
even though it isn’t much better
than going beyond the door
The stifling air suffocates 
me, my surroundings noiseless
and dead

The silence so silent
that my ears ring 
with excruciating pain.


Even so,
fear drives me back
into the shell of my prison
to wait so when my self
permits me to leave, 
despair won’t put a chain  
on me, won’t control 
my life inside my consciousness
where fear is my jailor

I’m incarcerated 
within my shell 
of self-protection,
Yet my inner self longs to be free.
There is a battle within me, 
between freedom and fear
A never-ending cycle
of hope
And despair

I’m not ready to face the world 
That beckons beyond that door.
When will my outer self let me go free?
It could take years, but I'll still wait for a

Beginning after the end.