Beauty Kills by Anonymous (16, Ohio)

[Content warning: eating disorders]

i    do    it   all   for   you 

my existence, soul, being 
worthless if not for a face or body deserving of your eyes
the numbers get smaller as 
i make you proud 
my face, hollow, finally gaunt as to 
make people stare 

---

my hair falling out, begging me to take a hint
my mind hurts, my heart hurts 
i   h u r t 
but you do not care 

you live in my mind, an unceasing critic 
making me jealous of a tree branch’s physique
everything i have ever valued in life means
nothing to you 

you take and take and take 
my tears, proof of what i do for you 
the lengths i will take for someone to notice
you convince me 
i'm happy, i'm pretty, i'm fine 

but even under your influence 
i know you are wrong 
the rumbling of my stomach eases with time as
my body slowly gives up on me 

i am numb 
to life 
you abuse me, yell that a pound is far too far
that i would be more worthless than i am right now
because who cares 
if i no longer want to live 
as long as i am thin 

you make me a liar 
you keep me awake
i try to silence you, avoiding numbers
why so many numbers, i'm tired 
of you 
years of my life 
and who knows 
more to come 
spent worshipping your tormenting voice 

i have given you my blood, sweat, and tears
but it is never enough 

i am never enough 
and nothing will ever 
b e    e n o u g h 
for you