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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() His shadowed eyes revealed their sky-blue irises through slow blinks. He was so close to me, and yet I was still fighting for his attention. The smell of the smoke on his breath would have repulsed me if it were dancing on anyone else's skin. But in the moments he blew across my cheek in his playful way, I could not have approved of the scent more. I was drawn to him, finding myself by his side more times than I should have. My eyes traced his square face, his jawline as it moved with his words, my fingers flexing with an urge to caress it. When I found his eyes, I noticed his inspecting gaze on the girl across from him. She was beautiful. I had to walk away. The night grew darker, the music louder and my heart thumped harder with every cup or shot of some drink or another. Every time I looked his way my lungs clogged a little more, my breaths shallow. So I found another drink. I knew what he wanted. I could see it in his examination of the party crowd. He was looking for something; for someone. A possible final moment with another as a 'free man' for a while. It wasn't someone in particular; 'anyone' was his words. He would take anyone who wanted to. And, oh how I wanted to. But, I refused to be just 'anyone' when I could be someone. I should have walked away.
The night chill crept in with light rain, creating a movie scene of the shadow party. The fire was low, bringing a new darkness to the yard. It was late, but everyone was comfortable listening to the quieter music, huddled in circles. It was then that I found a place, sitting in his lap. I could once again smell the smoke waltzing with his cologne, gracefully sweeping from his skin to mine. The corners of my lips tugged upwards when his arm snaked across my stomach, my smugness bouncing off of my previous jealousy knowing this was where he would stay for the rest of the night. Finally, with someone. My earlier resolve began to fade when his head slowly leaned on mine and his fingers traced circles on my stomach. In the darkness, surrounded by him, he blew teasingly on my face as he had done earlier. I was becoming lost to him, lost to the knot forming in my stomach and the excitement of this moment. This was where I had wanted to be all night; in his arms, his attention solely on me. No other girls he was preying upon. He had found his someone. I didn't walk away. And when his lips grazed my skin, nipping at the base of my neck, when his hands travelled further than my hips, when my head rolled backwards on his shoulder and I submitted to his teasing - that's when I became 'anyone'.
Erin
5/24/2020 01:30:48 pm
Such a raw, beautiful piece. Comments are closed.
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November 2023
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