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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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a space for youth writing on mental health & identity
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![]() I am inside a forest, walking on a path. I’m not sure how I got here, or if this is even real. There’s something mystical about it. I can’t quite grasp what it is, but I’m drawn to its spell. My feet move, whether I want them to or not. I have no choice but to move forward with them. The path is gray. I don’t know where I’m going. I can only hope that my feet do. It’s chilly here and I don’t have a coat or a sweater. I can feel the breeze hitting my bare skin, sending a shiver through my body. I cross my arms tightly, trying to bring some heat into them as I continue to move forward. The fallen leaves crunch beneath my feet as I walk. Above me there’s a canopy of trees with bright green leaves. There’s a hint of sunlight above the leaves; some of it glints onto the path, its bright rays welcoming amidst the bitter air. I feel a sense of calm here. I don’t know if it’s a trick of the eye, but the light seems to get brighter. The rays stretch out until they reach me. They embrace me, warming my entire body.
The path is now golden; the leaves look brighter than ever. I want to stay in this spot forever. I know that whatever this is, it’s what I’ve been searching for all my life. I can’t leave. I try to force my feet to stop, but they don’t obey. They keep moving, and I move with them. The light quickly fades as my feet drag me further into the forest. I feel my throat constrict with pain and longing. I don’t want to go. Forward is my only option. There’s a terrible ache in my chest as I continue walking. The once golden path is now turning grey again. The trees ahead of me are leafless, naked. The breeze is back, and it’s harsher than before. There is no light ahead of me. The path is becoming harder and harder to see. The grey ahead of me is rapidly turning to black as I move ahead. I’m unable to see where I’m going. Yet, I recognize this place. I’ve been here before. The familiarity envelopes me like a cold, dreadful hug. I can’t go in there. I can’t! I never wanted to come back here. I might not leave if I return. I need my feet to stop. I start to shake as I get closer to being surrounded by darkness. There’s a dullness in my stomach. My vision wanes as I keep going. I can’t see a thing. I can’t even see my hand when I put it in front of my face. There is nothing in sight. Nothing at all. I am lost. Why am I here again? No answer. My feet move forward. But I don’t want to keep going anymore, nor do I want to go back. I want to lie down and let despair consume me. All the warmth and beauty is gone. There is nothing left. For once, my feet seem to agree with my wishes. They are becoming heavier with each step. I can’t make it any further. I’m done. But why are they still moving? I have no strength, no fight left; this should be the end. Yet, somehow, it's not. Inexplicably, I look up and see something remarkable. My breath catches in my throat. It’s a star filled sky, gleaming and illuminating everything. They seem to get brighter the more I stare at them. How did I not see this before? The starry sky extends all the way from where the pitch black of the forest began. It must have been there the whole time. How did I miss it? I look ahead of me again. The stars are hard to ignore now that I know they’re there, but I wasn’t paying attention before. My feet never stop moving, but now they have renewed strength. I still do not know where I am going. Maybe my feet do, but I’m not entirely sure of that. All I know is that the stars are endless, and they follow me wherever I go. I am not scared anymore. I never needed to be. Something better than the peace from earlier fills me. I continue into the unknown, never again wanting to stop. Comments are closed.
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November 2023
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