a civilian's creed by Julia Vu (16, California)

if i burned you into a slice of my 
            crisis, 
don’t look at me like love is a 
charity case. don’t tell me i need to calm down; tonight, the 
ground has soaked in crimson and permeated in the limbs of boys young enough to believe. don’t ​

---

tell me that it’s going to be okay; tonight, my 
heart is a ton too heavy, and if i 
            t 
            e 
            e 
            t 
            e 
            r 
too far the edge of lonely and alone, i will 
sink and the water will 
engulf me and the earth will 
consume me. 

please forgive me, dopamine has 
declared war on my mind long ago and i had 
pulled you into the line of 
projection, please forgive me. 

my wings are have been torn, darling, they're 
not meant to spread and fly; i cannot be cured. this 
love will not fix me; my trauma is 
            s 
             t 
             e 
             e 
             p, 
you’ll never see the bottom of it. 

gunshots do not cease at whispered 
hymns, they echo under dawn’s last 
breath. the guilt of survival is heavy. 

just hold me until the insomniac’s 
dawn. hold me until rain washes away 
blood-caked on frown lines. just hold me 
until the silence of tomorrow fills the air.

​